♦ Review: Penis Bandz

The people from Penis Bandz recently contacted me via twitter and sent me out a few sample packs of their funky little pecker bracelets for review. Quite honestly, I don’t know how to begin to review a set of dick bracelets.¹ I guess I’ll begin with what they’re made of. Penis Bandz are made of a matte finish silicone that is stretchy, colorful, and resilient. In fact, no matter how long I wear the bracelets² on my wrist, when removed they always return to their cute little phallic shape.

I can honestly say that I’m not the gal that would wear penis bracelets out and about town. Or penis necklaces, penis hats, penis socks, or anything penis for that matter. Believe me, I love-me-some dick, but I personally see these bracelets geared more toward the bachelor/ bachelorette party goer. In fact that’s the only time and/or place that I would even think of accessorizing an outfit with various dicks.³ And even in the event of said party, I’d more than likely have to be severely inebriated to rock the dick bracelets.⁴

Ok, now check it. Penis Bandz are shown available in purple, pink, black, blue and even yellow too.

But when I received my packages, there were no little yellow dicks to be had. Not a one. While I was looking around their site, by chance I stumbled upon the answer in their FAQ section:⁵

Red, black, blue and purple, huh. So why show the yellow one in the first place? Why tease the yellow color lovers, like my partner, who also thinks these bracelets are “funny” and would like a set of vagina ones as well.⁶ Is it a special golden dick? Let’s say I received an elusive yellow Penis Bandz bracelet, do I instantly win a golden ticket to a magical place like the chocolate factory?

All in all, yeah the idea behind Penis Bandz is kinda cute⁷, especially the little black one with it’s hairy balls, and I’m sure they’d be a total hit at the right event⁸, but I don’t see them as the best choice of accessory for the every day wardrobe.⁹

If by chance you disagree with me, and you want to purchase these bracelets for the low cost of $7 a pack, head on over to the Penis Bandz website and buy them by the bundles.

Thanks Penis Bandz! Disclosure

1. Not to be confused with c-rings. [↩]
2. in the privacy of my home [↩]
3. Other than my boudoir. [↩]
4. Truly krunk, yo. [↩]
5. My only FAQ is: Where are the yellow ones Penis Bandz? [↩]
6. Would the anus ones just be a circle? [↩]
7. or not, depending on who’s looking at them [↩]
8. or not [↩]
9. Or for the any-day wardrobe in my case. [↩]